Afterlife (Afterlife Saga) Page 36

  Nothing happened again, there were no more dreams that included him. There were no more crazy bird sightings and I didn't even have any dreams of monsters. However my dreams didn’t just stop. No, instead they had taken on a darker turn. I decided that after the fourth time of waking up in the house screaming I would finally give in and see a counsellor. I had made my appointment with a Doctor Goff and I was now sat in a waiting room with peach walls and crappy pictures of summer flowers in pots and a little girl playing happily with her dog. If this was supposed to have a calming effect then it most certainly didn't work. After my nightmares, I had seemed to have taken a darker approach to life and I tried desperately to control it. I found nothing fun or good in anything anymore and it was starting to scare me.

  The only peace I would find is whenever I went back to the cliff face. I would sit there for hours, looking out to the view thinking about where it all went wrong. I know this wasn't the best way to think and that everything happens for a reason but when your heart is torn and your body broken, it is very easy to hate that logic. I mean, have the people that say this ever had something bad happen to them? Well if they had, then they were admittedly a much better person than I.

  The woman behind the desk looked over her thick-rimmed glasses and spoke out my name in a squeaky voice.

  “You may go in now.”

  I walked into a room that had been furnished to try and give you a homely feel, as though trying not to intimidate you or make you feel even more uncomfortable about the situation that had obviously got so bad to have brought you here in the first place. The room had a big couch and a smaller armchair next to it. There was shelving around the room with different “Self-help” books and a few family photos. Doctor Goff was a middle-aged man with a full beard that had a mixture of ginger and grey bits in it that I couldn't take my eyes off. He wore small glasses and looked like every other shrink I had ever seen. It was as if when they started to develop people would turn to them saying “You know you kind of look like a therapist or a doctor,” And they would reply “Ok then, that's what I will do”!

  He motioned for me to sit, as he was sat behind his desk, which held a laptop and piles of paperwork. He didn't look very organised for a professional person.

  “Miss Johnson, I am pleased to meet you, sorry for your longer wait but I have found it difficult finding any of your medical history. Where did you say you were from?” He said as he stroked his bushy beard.

  “This is the deal Doc, I don't want anyone to know my background as I left it behind me where I want it to stay! I don't want to bring all my old problems into this because that's not why I am here,” I said getting all that I had rehearsed out at once before I forgot. Shrinks had a crafty way of getting information out of you and I knew if I didn't set the ground rules straight away, then I could slip up.

  “Then why are you here?” He asked in a non-aggressive tone.

  “I’m here because I can't sleep and when I do sleep I wake up screaming for help from my nightmares,” I said not taking a breath.

  “Help from whom?”

  “Sorry?” I said wondering why he asked me that.

  “You said you cry for help, I was just wondering who from?” Again this question I didn't really understand and I wasn't about to tell him who exactly I was crying out for. So I lied and said,

  “My sister or any one really.”

  “Why don't you tell me about the dream?”

  “Ok well...I'm at a club and I'm about to start my shift as I work there you see...” I was stalling and I didn't know why but his eyes had turned very dark and intense making me want to stop and not go on.

  “Go on...what happens at this club?” He urged.

  “Well I go into the back room where I always put my bag and jacket. There's this gilded mirror and I always give myself a once over before starting my shift,” I said stopping, but his face got more intense and his hand lifted motioning me to continue. So I took a deep breath and explained the rest.

  “I'm looking at my face in the mirror and I see someone else instead of me staring back.”

  “Who?” He asked and I repeated the same question back at him.

  “Who?

  “Yes, who was staring back at you?” He asked and I didn't want to say.

  “Just some guy, but anyway...” But he stopped me again.

  “Just some guy? Someone you know? Someone you work with or for?” He asked and I froze as he hit the nail on the head with the last one.

  “My boss....so anyway....I turn around quickly to find the room is empty and the door is still closed. So I turn back to face the mirror and it's me again. Only something is different and very wrong as I don't look the same. I have my hair down which I never do, and I'm wearing different clothes.”

  “Do you recognise your other self from a different time?” He said looking over his glasses as if to judge my reaction to the question. I wondered if he knew I was lying when I replied,

  “No.”

  “Ok, then please continue,” he said as he wrote down some more notes in a red leather bound book.

  “So the girl...well I mean me...she is staring back at me with hate in her eyes and I'm always so scared to look at her. I move my face away but then I hear a tapping on the glass, so I look back once more. I find her tapping the glass with a broken piece of the mirror that is now missing from the one I am looking at. It’s a long piece that’s thicker where she holds it and it goes down into a deadly point that she is using to get my attention. I freeze to the spot and scream “What do you want?” She then mouths the word “DIE” to me and her arm comes out of the mirror and slashes at my arms over and over, cutting my wrists so that when I look down I am covered in blood again and screaming.....That's when I wake up.” And there it was. Of course I knew what the dream was about and didn't need any Doctor telling me his theory of interpretation. All I needed were the pills!

  “Ah” He said looking at my arms finding nothing but my sweater's sleeves.

  “So any suicide attempts before?” He asked bluntly and I coughed, as I couldn't believe what he had just said. Weren't Doctors supposed to be delicate about this type of thing?

  “NO!” I shouted as I was now clearly upset.

  “I'm sorry did that bother you?”

  “No but it took me by surprise.”

  “Sorry, but I have to be sure and considering I don't have any records on your medical background I'm in the dark here....So you said about seeing the blood on your arms again, what do you think that was referring to?” Ah so that’s why he had asked, I had slipped up and said the word “again”.

  “I don't know why, I must have just made a mistake that's all.”

  “Ok, so you can't sleep, has anything traumatic or emotional happened recently?” His eyes looked deep into me as if trying to hook out the lies that he knew were coming from me.

  “No, I have a lot on at college and I work nights so maybe I'm just wired from it all but I need to get some sleep,” I said rubbing my tired eyes, hoping this was enough to convince him.

  “Ok, so you said you work nights, is this at the club in your dreams?”

  “Yes, but that really doesn't have anything to do with it,” I said getting defensive and he knew it, so he decided to keep pushing for it.

  “You also mentioned your boss in the dream. Do you have feelings for him?” Oh come on! Now he wanted to know about my non-existent romantic life.

  “He's my boss,” I said trying to state the not so obvious.

  “Yes, but things can still happen between an employer and an employee.”

  “Yes I know but nothing happened.” I was so close to caving that I could feel the tears coming back for the first time in weeks.

  “Umm...I'm not so sure. You say that nothing has happened but whenever I mention the idea you look upset...I'm here to listen Keira, so please give me that chance.” And that was it, the way he said my name reminded me of Draven so much that I could have sworn I was talking to
the man himself. A tear rolled down my cheek and I said the words I didn't want to admit.

  “Ok, the truth is, I fell for my boss and I stupidly mistook that he had some feelings for me too but I was cruelly exposed to the truth and as a result, I am trying my hardest to get over it,” I said and I wiped the tears from my face with the tissue he had handed to me.

  “Right well...In that case I will prescribe you with some Benzodiazepines which will help you relax but this is for a short time only. I don't want you becoming dependant on these and I want you to come and see me once a week for four more sessions, then we will take it from there.” He said looking strangely sad from my little outburst. I got up happy that my time was over. He handed me the prescription and shook my hand giving me a weird feeling when I came into contact with his skin, like it was a familiar memory that I couldn't quite remember.

  After meeting with the doctor I knew that I wouldn't be returning for a second visit. He was very good at analysing my dream and I knew it wouldn't be long before he got me telling him my sad and gruelling past. Most doctors had a way of digging for the truth as they believed that to face our problems head on was the only way to deal with them. I had already faced “My problem” head on before and I was not about to do it ever again!

  Libby had told Frank the good news about her being pregnant after a scan confirmed what she already knew. Frank had gone crazy with happiness, telling everybody he knew and even some he didn't. As soon as the phone went, even sales people would hear all about it. So unless they were selling baby cribs and strollers, as they call them here, then most of the time they would be the ones to end the call. I had been there when Libby had told our mother and she cried that much she had to put my dad on the phone.

  These were the reasons that I hadn't told anyone about what had happened at the club, or about me seeing any doctor. They just carried on believing that I was still working in the VIP area and they had not seen any change in me. And I wanted to keep it that way. This wasn't too difficult as sometimes people become so absorbed in their own happiness that they fail to see the truth behind a lie. It wasn't that I thought they wouldn't understand but I had felt so guilty from the last time I was broken that I never wanted anyone to look at me like that again. I lied to those who I couldn’t hide it from, like RJ and Jack, because they were going to see me at the club working downstairs. I told them that they didn't need me anymore as the girl that I replaced was now back. This of course wasn't a complete lie as they didn't need me any more.....well painfully more like he didn't need me anymore.

  Jack had been great, a true friend, whereas RJ didn't let it drop for a while, as every time I saw her she would bring it up. Jack thankfully intervened one night when we were at the club and my shift had finished.

  “RJ give it a rest, can't you see she's sick of talking about it!” He said fighting my corner.

  “Well I just don't get it!”

  “No surprises there!” Jack said being sarcastic. RJ hooked out an ice cube from her glass and threw it in his direction only it missed him and hit some poor girl that was innocently walking past. The girl turned to see who had been the culprit and RJ pointed to Jack keeping a straight face. As soon as the girl saw Jack's handsome, Brad Pitt look she smiled as if throwing an ice cube at her was a good thing. I couldn't help but laugh. I mean ok it was cute when you were about ten. A boy that fancied you would then throw stuff to get your attention but in your twenties it was a bit pathetic! Even so, Jack got away with it even though it had been RJ's doing.

  “Hey bro, I think you’re in there, why don't you ask her to the Halloween Gig?” She said not even lowering her voice. The Halloween Gig was held here at the club, where lots of bands were going to compete. It was a huge night that happened each year and the Goth scene loved it.

  “Yeah thanks, but I will pass, Butt munch!” He said playfully. They were just so different you forgot that they were even related. I left early that night but Jack walked me to my car. I was so relaxed around him that it didn't seem out of character when he would flirt. Consequently, when he put his arm around me as we walked out of the club I didn't give it much thought why people were staring. I guess we looked like a couple but because I had made it clear on my “not dating” rule, Jack hadn't asked me out again. I just gathered he had got the message. So when he stopped me from getting in my car I was confused.

  “Kaz, I've been meaning to ask you something but well I guess that you were going through a tough time regarding why you left the VIP....Not that I want to pry.” He said as I realised he knew the reason I had given, had been a lie. Was Jack the only one that really knew me?

  “It's none of my business and I get why you wouldn't want to talk about it...trust me, I know how it feels... more than you think.” He said this with sadness in his eyes and I knew that his feelings ran deeper than I realised. He was talking about what happened at the club.

  “Jack, you know if you ever want to talk then I'm here, ok. I too don't want to pry but if you ever need anyone, then I'm a better listener than a talker.” We both laughed lightly trying to change the glum mood.

  “I know, you’re a good friend but I...” He wanted to continue but he couldn't find the words which I now understood he wanted to say. So I did something so out of character that I shocked myself when the question came out.

  “Jack will you go to the Halloween gig with me?” His face dropped in amazement, as this was the last thing he had been expecting.

  “You want to go with me?” He said checking he had heard it right.

  “Yeah, but hey I understand if you are going with someone else,” I said now, worrying that I had it all wrong.

  “Hell no, I was going to ask you all along but I've been waiting for the right time” he said with the biggest smile across his face.

  “But hey, won't you be working?”

  “No I have been given the night off so I'm free as a bird.” And this was true, for some strange reason creepy Gary had told me that I wasn't needed, even though it was going to be one of the busiest nights of the year! I didn't understand it but I wasn't going to argue, although I did double check it with his brother Jerry, just in case.

  “So you will be my bird for the night?” He teased going back to his usual flirty ways. I smirked at him. I left the car park after arranging times for Saturday night's date with mixed feelings. Was that the best idea, going on a date with Jack? I mean of course I liked him, who in their right mind wouldn't? But I couldn't help the fear that I was betraying my own feelings. I clearly was not over Draven but thinking about it, would I ever be? Of course that didn't mean I had to live my life as a nun! I had to move on and even though I was now sleeping again and wasn't living my life as a zombie, I still wasn't whole.

  By the time I got home I decided that what I had done was for the best. I needed to live my life, not shy away from it. I would now embrace every opportunity and tomorrow night would be my first show of this and one thing was for sure, I was going to dress for the occasion! I was going to knock Jack's socks off...well at least try.

  When I got in I was glad when I saw Libby was still awake because there was something important I needed her help with and this was one request that I knew she would most definitely enjoy.

  “Hey Lib's I’ve got a huge favour to ask.” She raised her head round from leaning it against Frank as they were watching some action movie. I think she had even fallen asleep.

  “Yeah what's up?”

  “Well, don't go all weird or anything but I kind of have a date tomorrow night and well, I need help with a costume.” As soon as I said the magic word “date” she was now wide awake and even Frank was looking at me and leaving Van Damme to his kick boxing.

  “Oh, yeah definitely, of course I will but I have to ask...who with?” She said as she was out of her seat coming to face me.

  “It's Jack.”

  “But I thought you've been turning him down ever since you got here?”

  “Well yeah, but I so
rt of asked him.” She and Frank shot each other a look as if they thought I had been taken over by pod people.

  “Ok...umm... so one other thing, what are you going as?” She said trying to keep the grin to a minimum.

  “It's kind of just the usual Gothic theme,” I said as she followed me into the kitchen. But as soon as I had said the words, she had clapped her hands scaring me into looking back at her.

  “Is that a good thing?” I said and I could almost see the cogs turning in her head.

  “Oh yes, I have just the thing, but I think I will need to change a few things.” She said but I wasn't even sure if she was talking to me or herself.

  “Why, what are you thinking?” I asked hoping I wouldn't regret it this time tomorrow night.

  “Well...I have this old costume from when me and Frank went to this fancy dress party last year, it was a medieval theme and I have this black and purple dress with a corset top.” Forget about tomorrow night, I was regretting it now!

  “Oh no, no corsets!”

  “Oh come on, you will look great, and plus if you dress the way you always do, that's not the point of Halloween.”

  “And what is exactly?” I asked with my arms folded.

  “It's the one night that you can get away with being someone else. It wouldn't be you dressing up... it will be the Halloween you!”

  “That makes absolutely no sense, you know that.... right?” She shook her head at me.

  “Look, what do you think other people will be wearing? You hate standing out right? And I guarantee that if you don't dress up as a sexy Goth then you will be the only one who doesn't.” What she said in a crazy way made sense. If I went as I usually dress then I would get stared at for being even more of an outsider. So I gave in and agreed, she had free rein to do whatever she wanted. Which I found out also included makeup and hair. I knew I was making a categorical mistake but she was just so happy with the idea of playing “dress up” that I couldn't crush her enthusiasm.